i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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