I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
