I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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