I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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