Banned from zoo.
Again?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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