just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
