they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
People in love make me want to vomit
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
