ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't deserve a penis
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
