Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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