I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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