So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are all done wearing pants today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
