Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
