I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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