When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
