i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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