Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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