my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
