Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
