He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
