so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everclear isn't food dammit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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