I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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