Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
