I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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