Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
