Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
