Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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