DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
