and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
