Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
