So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
