:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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