she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
