I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
