I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
