I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
