So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
