At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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