Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
