East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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