Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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