I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
