my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
