I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you still have your period?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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