I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
