dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
