you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
