Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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