Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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