You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
