What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
